We were on Skype the other night when first I noticed it. It just seemed really weird to me at the time because I knew she was working hard on a new 90 day program.
Well fast forward a few hours and we were having a discussion about the 90 day program and I said to her, “Listen” - never a good way to start this type of conversation - “I noticed a few nights ago that you had a ponch.” There was silence. I knew what I was doing at the time. I knew I was breaking some cardinal rule.
But I said it and now there was no taking it back. This may not be the nicest thing that I have ever said to her but believe it or not it works for us. What works for us? Honesty. No sugar coating and no buttering up. If there is something that needs to be said then it gets said and we work through it. This is one of our cardinal rules. We arrived here through many conversations and a commitment to push each other to be our best.
Honesty is such a doubled edge sword for men because on one hand we are expected to be honest about everything but we are often restricted from saying things like ”you need to lose some weight” or “that does not look right on you”, or “can we talk before you cut off all your hair?”. But let’s face it, if your guy has any backbone he has an opinion on most things. Now the delivery is always important with sensitive matters but for people in high stress jobs working long hours with little time for loved ones or coupled with kids, young kids especially, it can be hard for a man or woman to find the proper time, the right tone and inflection and perfect words to deliver their message.
True honesty, raw and uncut, not mean and injuring, is the way it should be delivered but there have to be certain elements and agreements in place before a couple can start down this path:
- Trust
- Respect
- Commitment
- Love
- Partnership
I may be a little idealistic but your relationship has to be able to withstand the naked truth, it is a lot and it can take a long time to get there but it cannot work without it.
She finally spoke and said “I know, you’re right, I am working on it and the only reason it is ok for you to say this is because you’re in the best shape of your life. However please note that I will bring this up again whenever I feel like it.”
See, honesty.
Try.Fail.Grow.Succeed.
Jarel
